I was recently thinking, what better thing to share on my blog than my personal testimony! One of the best ways to get to know someone is to share your testimony with them.
By saying, my personal testimony, I mean this is my story of how I came to know God in a personal way. Better put, this is how God lovingly drew me to Himself.
It's one thing to know about God. It's another thing to know God personally.
To share my testimony, I'll need to fill in some details about my childhood, because, like all stories or testimonies, there were many factors that led to it.
I was born in Ann Arbor, Michigan in October of 1982 to my parents, Tom and Cheryl Cross. They named me Erin Lynn. I'm the oldest of seven children, and I consider myself blessed to come from such a large family with so many siblings!
As a baby and child, I was loved by my parents and taught much about God. As a young girl, my mom spent a lot of time with my sister Cheri and I. She would sing songs with us about the Lord throughout the day. She would sing with us while riding in the car, while taking walks, while at home, and especially before going to bed at night. My mom would also read Bible stories to us and pray with us before going to bed each night. My mom also helped us to memorize Bible verses. By doing those things with us, my mom instilled in us a healthy fear and love for the Lord. I was taught to obey my parents as a child, and when I disobeyed them, I was disciplined for it.
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| My 5th birthday - October 1987 |
When I was growing up, our family attended conservative, Baptist churches. One evening, when I was about 5 years old, my mom read a Bible story to me from my Sunday School lesson. It was the story of Nicodemus who came to Jesus by night. I thought it was a nice story, but that was about it. After reading that story to me, my mom asked me if I wanted to “invite Jesus into my heart” so I could go to heaven someday to live with Jesus forever. I said “yes” that I would like to do that. So my mom prayed a short, simple prayer with me that night in our living room. After that, my mom told me I'd “accepted Jesus” as my Savior, and I didn't need to do that ever again. She said I was now “saved” no matter what. As a child, I believed everything my parents told me, so from that time on, I was happy that I was “saved”.
That is not my testimony! Because I was so young at that age, I didn't understand what I was doing. The only thing I knew was that I wanted to go to heaven and not to hell. That's just common sense, right?
When I reached the age to begin school, my parents decided to home school me which I'm thankful for! My mom taught me how to read, write, spell, and do basic math. She was an excellent teacher! I was homeschooled for Kindergarten and 1st grade (6 and 7 years old.) After my parents had their 3rd child, my mom found it difficult to homeschool me and my sister while taking care of another little one. So my parents decided to send me and my sister to a public school. I attended a public school for 2nd and 3rd grade (8 and 9 years old) close to our home in Michigan.
In August of 1992, we moved to Santa Barbara, California. My Dad was a Pilot for United Airlines and received a job transfer to be based out of Los Angeles. My parents were not impressed with the public schools in California so they decided to homeschool once again. I began 4th grade in the fall of 1992, and I turned 10 years old that October.
My parents decided to use the “ABeka” school curriculum for us. Along with our school books, we used something called the ABeka Home School Video Program. This meant that we had a teacher who taught our school lessons to us every day in a real classroom which had been taped on video. Even though we did school at home, we felt like we were in a real school classroom. I enjoyed doing this for school, and I especially enjoyed my first subject every day which was Bible. In my Bible class, the teacher usually began with prayer, sang some songs with us, helped us to memorize Scripture, and shared a lesson from a Bible story.
For both 4th and 5th grade, I had a video teacher named Mr. Bowman who taught most all of my subjects, including Bible. He was one of my favorite school teachers!
One morning, when I was in 5th grade at the age of 11, my teacher, Mr. Bowman, taught in our Bible class that sin separates us from God. He used an illustration on his picture board to demonstrate this. He showed a picture of two very large cliffs with a large gap in between them. He used this picture to show us that man was on one side, and God was on the other side. He showed us there was absolutely no way man could get across to God on the other side on his own. The gap was “too wide” because of our sin. Then he showed us a picture of a cross laid from one side of the cliff to the other side. He proceeded to share that this was the only way man could get across to God. This was only made possible through what God's Son did in dying for us! Our teacher shared that the only thing that could wash sin away in God’s sight was the blood of Jesus. Those were things I already knew very well since I'd been taught those things as a child.
However, my school teacher went on to share that if we had sin in our heart when we prayed, the Lord would not hear us. He shared Psalm 66:18 which says:
“If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.”
The Holy Spirit used what my teacher said, and those words went straight to my heart. For the first time in my life, I was convicted of my sin. I saw myself as the sinner I was. I saw that my sin was separating me from talking to God.
I slowly began confessing my sin to the Lord and agreeing with Him that I'd done wrong in His sight. I knew that things I'd done wrong as a child, as well as things I was doing then, was indeed sin to God. My school teacher told us many times in our Bible class that it was very important to keep our heart right with the Lord by confessing and repenting to God whenever we sinned.
I did this for about 3 months, and the Holy Spirit continued to work in my heart. The more I confessed to the Lord, the more sin God showed me in my life. I had a very bad habit of lying when I'd disobeyed my parents or done something I didn't want anyone else to know about. I remember my school teacher telling us one day in Bible class that Satan was the “father of lies”. I was alarmed! I didn't want to be like Satan! I wanted to be like Jesus! So, I confessed my sin of lying to the Lord, and I asked the Lord to help me with it. After confessing that, there was a day when I remember thinking, “I just want to be right with the Lord on everything!” So I decided I was going to confess every sin I could think of that I'd ever done. I'll never forget that day!
I went outside one late afternoon all alone and stood at the top of a hill that was behind our backyard. At the top of the hill was a large, church parking lot which overlooked much of the town of Santa Barbara. It was a beautiful spring day, and it was quiet when I went up there to talk with the Lord. Tall, eucalyptus trees swayed in the air above me with aloe plants growing low to the ground. White and purple daisies were in bloom, and an avocado orchard graced the bottom of another hill slope near by. I remember it all so vividly, and I remember looking up into the sky as I talked with the Lord, believing He was right there listening to my every word.
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Tall, eucalyptus trees like the ones that surrounded our home in California. |
I told the Lord that I wanted to get my heart completely right with Him. I began confessing and repenting of specific sins. (such as lying, disobedience, etc.) I had a deep sorrow in my heart for what I'd done, and I cried knowing it was my sin that separated me from God, and it was my sin that Jesus died for. I knew I'd sinned against a holy, righteous God, and I deserved God's punishment. I also knew there was absolutely nothing I could do to “erase” my sin in God’s sight. At that moment, I suddenly pictured Jesus dying on a cross for me! I felt God's love for me in a way I'd never felt before. By faith, I trusted in the blood of Christ, right then and there, to wash away all of my sin! I told the Lord, from that moment on, I wanted to keep my heart right with Him. I realized that was not going to be a “once and done” deal thing. I knew that walking with God, choosing to keep my heart right with Him and clean through the power of His blood, would be a daily choice.
I hesitated for a brief moment, pondering the large decision I was about to make. I decided that I didn't want "my own way" anymore. I wanted God's plan for my life instead. It would be so much better than anything I could ever choose! I told the Lord that my life now belonged to Him; I was gladly giving it to Him! I was willing to follow Him wherever He wanted me to go and do whatever He wanted me to do. I accepted Him that day as both my Savior and my Lord.
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| A daisies like the ones that grew near our home in California. |
After praying, I remember walking back down to our home filled with such joy! I felt so free and so clear! I had peace with God. I'd been “born again”. God's Spirit now lived in me. I knew that I was God's child, and He was my heavenly Father Who would be with me at all times!
This is when I truly became a Christian. No one was with me that afternoon coaxing me or telling me what to pray or what to say or what to do. This was coming out of my own heart by the working of God's Spirit. My innocent, little prayer at 5 years old was only because I wanted to go to heaven and not to hell.
But on that beautiful day back in 1994 at the age of 11 (approaching 12), I came to God on my own because I wanted a relationship with Him. What a huge difference this made in my life, and I truly became a new person!
A short time later, I went to family members I had lied to or had done wrong to in the past, and I asked for their forgiveness. What a joy it was to be clear with others also!
Bible verses and songs that I'd learned as a child became so alive and so real to me in a way they never had before! The words echoed my heart now! There were Bible verses that became very dear to me as I grew in my walk with the Lord. Some of those verses were:
“Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit.”
1 John 4:13
“But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.”
1 John 1:7
“Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory.”
1 Peter 1:8
“O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.”
Psalm 34:8
Psalm 34:8 has been my favorite Bible verse because I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good!
This is my testimony. This is my story. I love Him because He first loved me. (1 John 4:19)
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